Words

I love words. So much so, I actually keep a list of my favorites. The list includes words such as beguiling, languidly, cacophony, sybarite and robust. They are more to me than just letters organized, they are feelings that envelope me when they are heard or spoken. They are especially powerful when used by someone I find attractive. In the right moment, they could be foreplay, sexually yes, but almost more powerfully, intellectually. It’s not that I find a “book worm” sexy, actually, it’s those moments when the least expecting of men use wicked smart words. If they take the time to learn and use language they will take the time to learn and use me. It shows inquisitiveness, patience, folly, and drive or dedication. For me, these are adjectives to describe men that I am drawn to. Tell me, what are some of your favorite words?

The Soundtrack of Life

“The music you can’t forget from the times you don’t remember” – This was a slogan on a local radio station I heard recently. However, it really resonated with me. It made me realize the role music plays in the important moments in my life. I can hear a song on the radio that will bring back a memory for me that I thought was long forgotten. As I listen to the melody and lyrics, the details of the memory begin to ripen, bringing me back to that moment and allowing me to relive it again. For example, and in no particular order:

1. The Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, especially Night Fever by the Bee Gees reminds me of watching my sister and her boyfriend practice disco dancing in the living room. I was the DJ and got to stop and start the record as they practiced. I remember my sister in YoYo’s – the wedge shoes with the hole in the heel, her powder blue polyester dress and matching blue eye shadow. She was 8 years my senior and I thought there couldn’t be anyone cooler than her. And of course, I had a huge crush on her boyfriend even if he did wear white bellbottoms!

2. Georgia on My Mind by Willie Nelson reminds me of watching my parents slow dancing in our house. They were younger than I am now, and will remain that age and that much in love in my mind forever.

3. How Soon is Now by The Smiths, I Touch Roses by Book of Love, Every Day is Halloween by Ministry, The Bottom Line by Big Audio Dynamite, She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult and White Lines by Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel all remind me of dancing in clubs during college.

4. Say Goodbye by Dave Matthews Band reminds me of singing the song at the top of my lungs while riding around in a convertible with my best friend on a summer night as I cried about my broken heart after getting involved with a married man.

5. Lenny by Stevie Ray Vaughn reminds me of an incredibly good night of sex. Nuff said!

6. God Bless America by Lee Greenwood reminds me of July 4th , fighter planes, and how grateful I am to our military for the protection they provide us. It will always make me cry.

7. Van Morrison reminds me of a New Year’s Eve when I saw in him in Vegas. It was one of the most memorable NYE I have ever had.

8. Don’t Stop by Fleetwood Mac unfortunately always reminds me of the Clinton campaign.

9. Turn up the Radio by Autograph reminds me of driving my high school boyfriend’s midnight blue camero. I was fast off the line even then.

10. Have I Waited Too Long and The Highway from Brandon Rhyder remind me of drinking beers in a local dive bar with two of my favorite guy friends. That was a fun night.

11. And anything from the late 70s bring back memories of easier times, playing outdoors all summer, and just being a kid. Here are just a few for memory lane: Good Times by Chic, We are Family by Sister Sledge, Heart of Glass by Blondie, What a Fool Believes by The Doobie Brothers, Short People by Randy Newman.

So, can you imagine your life without a soundtrack?

Loss of a weekend

I’m sick. I hate it when I’m sick. I hate it even more when I’m by myself and sick. I feel no one, regardless of how independent you might be, should be home alone with they are sick. I think we all turn into the 10 year child we once were when we don’t feel our best and want to have soup brought up to us on a tray, and the cool hand of our mother laying over our forehead as she checks our temperature. I’ve been down most of the weekend suffering from a random fever. No other symptoms really – just a low grade fever that makes me dizzy, a little disorientated, gives me the chills, and the worst body aches ever. I’ve been sleeping most of the weekend and my dreams are something from a Lewis Carroll novel. But I think I’m most aggravated in that I lost a weekend both in production and relaxation. I had a host of things I wanted to accomplish this weekend and I don’t think one item was checked off. Ah well – maybe this is the body’s way of saying slow down.

Chill in the air

I think it might finally be winter, or at least fall, in this southern state. I was traveling for several weeks and it moved in while I was away. The trees are now shining in new fall colors, their castaways swirling around my feet when I walk through the park. The house is cold as I refuse to put on the heat and instead bundle up in a variety of layers chosen purely for comfort and warmth instead of style. Hot chocolate is my dessert at night and the down comforter is required instead of just sitting at the end of the bed for show. I appreciate my car seat warmers as I drive into work, keeping off the chill as my sun roof remains open. At night on my return home, as I step out into the street to get the mail, I take a moment to enjoy the smells of the fireplaces warming the homes around me. And - soup becomes a consideration when eating out – where has that craving been during the spring and summer? I love fall in the south…tell me, what do you love about fall?

Pairings

What is about the buttery softness of parmigiano reggiano that couples so beautifully with a big, robust red wine?

Simple Pleasures

I love finding joy in the little things in life. I don’t see them everyday. But after a long weekend with no work and nothing but free time, they were aplenty. Tonight they seem especially bountiful. Here are just a few of those observations.

- Waking to smell of coffee brewing
- The smell of freshly folded laundry
- The rolling rumble of boiling water and the hiss of olive oil hitting a hot pan
- Watching the fading light and the shadows appear
- The sound of a cork being released from it’s hold in a really good bottle of red
- The ring of good crystal
- Watching a French movie and all the subtle ways they say “Oui”
- The windows open and the soft sound of the wind, the occasional bark of a dog and snippets of conversation
- Ripe strawberries and their sweetness on your lips and tongue
- Hearing yourself sigh and realizing it’s full of nothing but satisfaction and contentment

Tell me, what little thing gave you pleasure today?

Me – in all the wonderfully weird ways

23 Random things I love: (and of course, in no particular order)

1. Listening to the rain
2. Spirited conversation
3. Fresh, crisp white sheets
4. Full moons
5. Hanging out in my local coffee shop, with an iPod, and book
6. The sound of crashing waves
7. Really good red wine shared with someone who also appreciates it
8. My mom’s hugs
9. Discovering someplace new in my local neighborhood
10. Discovering a new place that required crossing an ocean to find
11. Holding hands and first kisses
12. The smell of toast
13. “Super Bubble” Bubble Gum
14. Any museum of art
15. Watching someone blow glass
16. Massages
17. Dive Bars
18. Sunsets but not sunrises
19. Convertibles
20. Multi-function ‘adult’ toys
21. Christmas
22. College Football
23. Books that let me lose time and place


21 Random things I despise:

1. The sound of teeth being scraped over a fork
2. Close talkers
3. People with no real opinions on anything
4. RSVP yes – but then don’t show
5. Sitting in the back of the plane
6. Discrimination – on any level
7. Peas
8. Licorice
9. Smoking
10. Not giving your everything in what you do
11. Carnations
12. Reality TV
13. Junk mail
14. Reading instructions
15. Having to wake to the sound of an alarm
16. Cleaning my house (and why I must have a helper)
17. Failure to provide the “thank you wave” in good driving etiquette
18. Feeling overwhelmed and not seeing the light
19. All my best friends don’t live in the same city I do
20. Wine coolers, box wine, pink wine or any combination
21. White socks with black shoes

Today's Trip

All I need now is the pink taffeta dress, dyed to match shoes and a boy in a rented tux with a condom in his pocket he is hoping to use!

This is what my ‘car service’ looked like today. I did actually take a minute to enjoy it by taking my shoes off, putting my feet up and wondering what it must be like to live the life of a rock star. I’ve been in limos before, but they are not so common in my life that the need to push all the buttons on the control panel has gone away. I had to restrain myself from pressing the ‘lights’ button, but oh I wanted to!

Later, my view was incredible. Little did I know Mother Nature has a special treat for me. If you didn’t already know from past blog, I am a big fan of clouds. My travel schedule affords me many views of the sky and I never grow tired of it.

Thoughts of me and you and me, and you again.

My sister called me while listening to a live performance of a band she and I both love. She just called and let me listen to the music…no words, no trying to shout over the music…nothing but allowing me to enjoy the moment.

This is actually the second time she did this for me in as many weeks. I loved it. I loved that she thought of me while completely enjoying the performance, so much so, she wanted to share it with me. So she picked up the phone and called.

This makes me wonder…how many times do you think you are thought of by others in a day? I mean I know I think of others all the time. They drift through my mind from the moment I wake until I finally force myself to sleep at night. The faces are many. There are those that I haven’t seen in years and probably won’t for years to come. There are those that have caused me hurt. There are those I miss terribly. There are those I worry about, long for and wonder about. My closest circle of friends and family are part of the normal rotation, but then there is always the random playlist. Like the boyfriend I had in my sophomore year of high school, various teachers during school, a bartender I knew at a favorite restaurant, and a poet who I inspired. I’m not completely sure of the triggers that send them from the subconscious on deck circle to the batter’s box. But there they appear. As fresh in memory as if I saw them yesterday. I wish I knew who thought of me.

Getting my stuff done

I’m so good at getting stuff done in order to make it easier to really get my stuff done.

I think this is my life.

Views from above

The best part of flying for me is looking out the window. I know how juvenile that may sound, but I’m in love with the clouds, the land and the perspective of the world at 30,000 feet. Every trip is different with Mother Nature revealing another facet of her infinite creativity.

This recent trip the clouds took me to Africa. Imagine a savanna comprised of cool, frothy egg whites, and far in the distance, clouds dotting the horizon shaped exactly like the umbrella acacia trees and all awash with just a whisper of pink.

Not sure of what an umbrella acacia tree is – find one here:

On the way home, a completely different impression. On our decent into the city, looking out into the dark sky and seeing the Light Bright image of home.

For online Lite Bright fun – click here.

Past trips made me open my journal and begin writing the view I was seeing. Here is an excerpt from that entry:

“On a plane from Vegas to home. Empty flight and a full aisle to myself. Sitting watching the world through the window. It’s 5:30pm and the sun is beginning to set and it’s casting amazing light onto the desert and mountains. Initially the landscape made me think of corduroy and how I wanted to run my thumb along it’s ridges and feel the texture. Then, while flying over the Grand Canyon, it reminded me of macramé. The open weave of layers of earth in variations of colors, that pressed and tied together, make the whole. Later, the land turned into silk shantung. I wanted to feel the smooth texture of the silk with the sudden imperfection caused by a gully or roll in the earth. Now, it’s suede I see through my window. The variations of color and subtle texture. Finally velvet. I want to drag my fingers against its grain feeling the richness of the earth…and seeing a road like a small imperfection in the vastness of the fabric of the land. This would make a great exhibit. Photographs of the landscapes mounted alongside the fabrics they remind me of. Seeing the picture and then closing your eyes and touching the fabric. Great sensory stimulant.”

What do you see when you look out the window?

Cicadas

The cicadas are calling. Their bodies sound like thousands and thousands of tiny maracas in the darkness. They are playing an original song, only they know the lyrics to but their sound brings back memories for me. Of summer, at my grandparents house. The house sits along an old country road with more land around it than people. I would spend summers here as a child, playing on the railroad tracks smashing pennies, laying in the swing reading book after book, walking through rows of corn until I knew I was lost but later, realizing I was only about a mile from home.

What happened to that time, where kids could go off and play without knowing where they were going, with no phone to check in and not come home until dark or dinner, whichever came first? That I was even playing, outside, all day is amazement to me with today’s kids seemingly preferring to stay indoors. Do kids go out and play anymore?

But back to my cicadas. The sound reminds me of dusk, big canopy pecan trees, and the sound of tires pulling into the white stone driveway of the old house. At night, lying in bed trying to fall asleep, and working to convince myself that the funny shaped shadows on the wall were really from the trees and not some prison escapee, I would listen to the random cars passing along on the country road. With my eyes shut, I would listen to their sound and decipher whether they were moving east or west. And I would count them, like sheep, until sleep would take me away.

The cicadas were the backdrop to all these memories. Sort of like the soundtrack to a movie, you don’t really notice it, but ultimately it enriches the images and moments and without it, they would not be as vibrant and lush.

Listening

Do you listen well? Most people don’t. It’s a skill, rather, an art, which you have to hone, refine and be able to alter depending on the source. It’s a gift you can give. It could be an accomplishment on a resume. And it should be an asset people would want to own. But, alas, we are a self absorbed sort. We are more interested in the ‘me’ over the ‘you’ or even the ‘us’. We want to make our point, hear our own voice, and move on to the next thing. We rarely take the time for a real conversation. One where you look the other person in the eyes, remove all distractions (read cell phone here) and focus on what the other person is saying. Listen for the subtleties of the words they choose and the tone they use. Watch their facial expressions and hand gestures. Ask questions. Read between the lines. And listen for what they might not be saying.

Did you know that if you just pause for a moment and don’t respond right away when someone is speaking to you, they are more than likely to reveal more? People don’t like those ‘pregnant pauses’, they make them feel uncomfortable. The feel the need to fill them. However, I love them. I use them to sop up all that information and allow it to sink in and resonant.

Lately I’ve noticed I really hate chit chat…that conversation without purpose or meaning. If we’re not going to take the time to converse, to exchange, to communicate with meaning, then I don’t have time for it. My time, I feel, is valuable and I don’t want to waste it on something that provides me no value. I feel guilty about it sometimes; as I’m sure I can come across as being smug or distant which is not my intent. But as I get older, I find I want more from life…richer experiences, deeper meaning and knowledge. Chit chat doesn’t fit into this want.

I’ve been told I’m a good listener. I know I can be. I’m guilty on not being. But I work on it. I think I’m only a good listener when either I need to be, meaning the moment requires it or when I feel it in return. For the truth is, to really get to know me, would require a Masters Degree in listening. I’m difficult to know. I don’t share easily as I feel most people don’t really want to know, or care to know all the details. And if you don’t really want to know, then I’m not going to take the time to tell. If, indeed you are interested, you will have to prod, poke, and dig out information from me. However, once you have earned my trust, tested true as a good listener, become a protector of my secrets, I will provide you a bounty so rich you will feel fat and happy as if you’ve just enjoyed a wonderful meal, full of multiple courses, good wine and rich conversation.