Thump Thump

What is it I want to say as I type away here in the dark? The light of my computer screen filling the room and the music loud and filling my head. I love the way music feels. The bass or the thump thump that reverberates in my chest. I close my eyes and lean back into the chair and I hear the music around me, and it, and the memories and images it conjures up, float around in the vicinity of my ceiling. I shrug out of my sweater and take my hair down. I feel the dampness of when I put it up hours before and smell the freshness of my shampoo and imagine the sound he makes when he buries his face into my hair. I catch my fingers stroking my lips imagining him, his kisses, the smiles he makes when I take him into my mouth. I want to see in the dark with those senses that know best. I want to dance to the music around me, its rhythm and ours matching. But alas, I’m reduced to communicating my needs to him via text and unable to relish in the details flooding my mind and body.

Where to celebrate?

I turn 40 in April. I’m on a quest to find the perfect place to celebrate this momentous passing. I want to take 3 weeks, rent a house, and put down 3-week roots in my new home. I want all my family and friends to pay me a visit at some point during my stay. I want to become a short lived local. I want to love this place so much, I ponder quitting my job and working at the local flower stand. I want to relax, and reflect and ponder the next 40 years on this earth. And I want peace.

But I’m in a quandary on where this perfect place should be. I’ve researched Italy, Buenos Aries, the Outer Banks. I’ve considered Spain, Jackson Hole and Big Sur. And for a woman who usually has no problem making decisions, I can’t seem to come up with one here. My expectations are probably too high. And my consideration of the needs/wants of my family and friends I’m sure are making this more difficult. I just want a place to relax. A place me and my camera can be inspired. A place with vistas, where I look out over the land and see history.

My very diligent, process minded mind is considering everything with this decision. For instance:

- the dollar against the euro
- big occasion, I should go abroad and not stay in the US
- don’t repeat a location I’ve already been to
- love the waves, but do I have to have them
- finding a house everyone will love
- finding a location that has something to do/see
- weather/climate at that time

I think what I would like is if the place could somehow pick me. To try somewhere without research, serious consideration, major planning…all things I have a want to do, and yet without all that, still works out.

I’m open to ideas.

I want...more

I want to feel his skin beneath my fingernails. I want to feel his taut, tough muscles ripen against my touch. I want to hear his sighs in my ear, feel his moist lips graze along my neck and his weight along my body. I want to feel his desire on my hip, taste his mouth and breathe in his scent. I want to dance on fresh linen, I want to paint his body with my auburn hair and I want to exchange power. I want his teeth to graze over my alabaster skin and mark his territory. I want to lose time, I want to let go, I want to become his concubine. I want to call in sick and lay in bed all day and tell each other secrets again. I want to taste his hungry kisses and pull him into my mouth. I want to be preoccupied by the memories of him, I want to anticipate his next visit, and I want to plan for our next adventure.

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