Listening

Do you listen well? Most people don’t. It’s a skill, rather, an art, which you have to hone, refine and be able to alter depending on the source. It’s a gift you can give. It could be an accomplishment on a resume. And it should be an asset people would want to own. But, alas, we are a self absorbed sort. We are more interested in the ‘me’ over the ‘you’ or even the ‘us’. We want to make our point, hear our own voice, and move on to the next thing. We rarely take the time for a real conversation. One where you look the other person in the eyes, remove all distractions (read cell phone here) and focus on what the other person is saying. Listen for the subtleties of the words they choose and the tone they use. Watch their facial expressions and hand gestures. Ask questions. Read between the lines. And listen for what they might not be saying.

Did you know that if you just pause for a moment and don’t respond right away when someone is speaking to you, they are more than likely to reveal more? People don’t like those ‘pregnant pauses’, they make them feel uncomfortable. The feel the need to fill them. However, I love them. I use them to sop up all that information and allow it to sink in and resonant.

Lately I’ve noticed I really hate chit chat…that conversation without purpose or meaning. If we’re not going to take the time to converse, to exchange, to communicate with meaning, then I don’t have time for it. My time, I feel, is valuable and I don’t want to waste it on something that provides me no value. I feel guilty about it sometimes; as I’m sure I can come across as being smug or distant which is not my intent. But as I get older, I find I want more from life…richer experiences, deeper meaning and knowledge. Chit chat doesn’t fit into this want.

I’ve been told I’m a good listener. I know I can be. I’m guilty on not being. But I work on it. I think I’m only a good listener when either I need to be, meaning the moment requires it or when I feel it in return. For the truth is, to really get to know me, would require a Masters Degree in listening. I’m difficult to know. I don’t share easily as I feel most people don’t really want to know, or care to know all the details. And if you don’t really want to know, then I’m not going to take the time to tell. If, indeed you are interested, you will have to prod, poke, and dig out information from me. However, once you have earned my trust, tested true as a good listener, become a protector of my secrets, I will provide you a bounty so rich you will feel fat and happy as if you’ve just enjoyed a wonderful meal, full of multiple courses, good wine and rich conversation.