I should be in Vegas right now winning. My predictions are spot on. Just a few posts back I dared open up and actually speak about a new relationship. Hinting to its potential and daring to hope but predicting its demise in an embarrassingly defensive maneuver in order to protect my heart and pride. Now instead of the hard press, the daily texts from him wishing me a good day, planning for a date days in advance, hanging out every Saturday for college ball, I get a text that says “I am sorry I’ve been MIA, I’m just trying to figure my life out right now”. And when approached on exactly what this means by asking him “Do you still want to see each other”, as I don’t get hints very well, the response is “I don’t know”. (Sigh) And taken from a writer I lurk after, “It was easy. Love was hard. Love is impossible for me. Sex, though, very simple.”I get that. I’ve purposely pursued these kinds of relationships since my divorce. I like the power I have in them and the safety they offer. But then I meet someone while my brick wall was undergoing some repairs, and he slips in unnoticed. Now, is he like me? That behind the wall, the moat, and the razor wire, sits a person who is also afraid and wanting someone to take a chance on them? Someone who will be patient, do the work, dig for the prize knowing it will be worth it. Or is he just a standard, assembly line asshole?
