Once Upon a Time

I wonder if I’ve missed my happily ever after. Do you have just one? Did I scrounge mine away on a man, for over 10 years, took me for granted and stole bits and pieces of my identity until I turned into the woman he wanted me to be. And then I feel resentful for allowing this to happen to me and punish him for it in ways I didn’t even realize. Only to be completely betrayed, in the most humiliating way, with his admission of infidelity? The divorce is many years behind me now and I’m a better woman for it and don’t miss my past life at all. But what I wonder most often is, did I miss my fairy tale ending? I’m a complete closet romantic. You would never know it from the tough and independent exterior. But I do have a soft side, an emotional heart that wishes on shooting stars, and dares to hope, for my slice, at a life of love. So you see, even after this deep hurt, I still believe in my happy ending. I’ve had opportunities at love, but I was scared…scared of loving again, and losing control and letting go and allowing my heart to be at risk. So I kept up the guise of independent, single girl, out for fun and stories and no need for baggage and passed on good men who loved me. I wonder still, maybe even hope, that I wasn’t ready for love then, or they were not my happy ending after all…because I can’t bare the thought of having passed it by.

Star light
Star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

25 things

Did you know…

1. I love crown molding. Something about how it finishes off the wall.
2. I can’t eat and watch the news. The stories just make me lose my appetite.
3. Although I’m 39, I still feel like I’m about 28 on most days.
4. I’m afraid of lighting my gas fireplace.
5. I can usually fall asleep before the airplane even takes off
6. I’m personally passionate about my photography, yet very few people even know I like taking pictures
7. I often wonder if I don’t have a similar sex drive as a man
8. I have a great phone voice. I could easily be a phone sex operator and sometimes think about doing it full time.
9. I only own black shoes
10. I sometimes think someone is following me and will drive around until they turn off
11. I can be aroused just by music
12. The sound of waves can make any wrong, right.
13. I’m a sucker for a wicked smart man. Smarts trump looks every time. Confidence and smarts, oh my.
14. I want, but have yet to find, a dominant partner
15. I prefer to watch football and tennis on TV and baseball and hockey in person
16. I’m completely independent, self reliant woman, yet will cry at all hopelessly romantic stories.
17. “Georgia on my Mind” by Willie Nelson reminds me of my parents slow dancing in my childhood living room
18. I love the South, the people make up for any shortcomings of the place.
19. I love sex against floor to ceiling windows in hotels
20. My memory is more reliant on smells than any other sense
21. I’m impatient, stubborn, and with high expectations. But I find that I can see something good or beautiful in anyone.
22. A second date is completely dependant on the first kiss.
23. I love to eat Chinese straight from the take out box with chop sticks
24. I don’t like white wine – but love red.
25. If I had the time, I would visit an art museum every day.